Pain that never ends
by TaszAkuryou
Summary: Pretty old BBA fic :P ... its a Kaixrei ... surprise surprise lol anyways Kai has lots of problems and Rei wants to help but he on his own has trouble too ... lots of yaoi ... hard yaoi later on ... Read and Review XD lol ... TASZ
1. Chapter One

Pain that nevers ends  
  
Hi u! I decided to make another fic, don't know why just feel like it! - hihhi Sorry I'm in a funny mood that's all, well it is a Kai ficcet. Who else and later on it will be KaixRay but only if I have reviewers. It will be a yaoi fic but the first chapter not really, well enjoy andduh speak to ya all laterzzz!  
  
Disclaimer: I hate disclaimers so I wouldn't do them! So if you don't like my decision then sue my Dutch ass cuz I don't give a shit. But I do have to tell you that I'm flat broke soo.... Okay I will do it I don't own Beyblade or the songs that I use. Here, I did it!  
  
' ' is speaking and is thinking and then sometimes # # is a song  
  
Tasz: Hey I got a new fic - hihhihihih  
  
Ray: Hey cool and you are cheery today aren't ya?  
  
Tasz: Yeah I am, very happy! But let me tell the story here it is....  
  
Chapter One Nightmares   
  
He was running on an endless road, the cold blow ran throw his hair, his eyes were red, wet and his face was sticky. The trees became narrower and his sight was blurry and foul. He couldn't scream, couldn't talk or even whisper. His knees became weak, his feet sour and his body tortured. He fell down, he kept falling like it never ended, the darkness, no light and no ground to land on. Feeling light in his head, trying to scream for help or at least for someone, he heard someone laugh. The laugh sounded familiar, dark, cold and arrogant. His fear factor increased, he was afraid, he was weak and dirty.  
  
Kai screamed and his body bolted forward, his breathing heavy and sweating bullets. Tiny drops fell down his face, salty and filled with fear and anxiety. He looked around the room, everyone was sound asleep at least that is what he thought. Ray opened one eye as he heard Kai walked towards the balcony and open the door.  
  
/ That is like the twentieth (a/n I'm not so good with the time and stuff, sorry ) time this week, he always had nightmares but this time it's really bad. So many in only five days, maybe it's weird but I'm worried and he isn't around that much lately. I know he hides something that I always knew but know I really wanna know. Nothing makes Kai scared, nothing and in his dreams the only thing he is, is scared. / Ray sighed and watched the figure on the balcony, he got out of bed and walked towards Kai. He popped his head around the doorframe.  
  
'Kai it is freaking cold out there, what's wrong?' 'Fuck off, Ray, leave me alone'. Ray backed away a little but decided to step out this time, he really wanted to know what was going on. Ray closed the door and stood next to Kai, the two of them stayed silence for a couple of minutes till Ray started to talk. 'I know that you are having nightmares or something Kai so I wanna know what is wrong?' Ray said coolly but he didn't expect Kai to react like that. Kai turned to Ray and pushed him against the wooden partition that was between every balcony. Kai moved very close to Ray grabbing his shirt tightly, Kai's cheek brushed against that of Ray and he moved closer to Ray's ear. 'Don't interfere with my life or you will be so sorry and I mean it Ray, I WILL hurt you'. Kai could feel Ray's fear increase, he was breathing hard and was slightly trembling. Kai let go of Ray's shirt and got back inside, he walked towards his bed and laid in it. Ray was shocked of Kai's reaction and he leaned against the wooden thing for a little longer, then he went inside. He sat on his bed and looked at Kai's figure. 'Ohh yeah, well we will see Kai!' Ray turned his back to Kai and tried to fall asleep, Kai opened his eyes and watched the sleeping figure that just spoke to him. 'Ohhhh yeah we will Ray'. Kai said coldly, Kai turned his back to Ray and closed his eyes.  
  
The rays of sunlight purred their selves in Ray's eyes and he was forced to open them. He looked at the bed next to him, no Kai, he looked around and saw Max and Kenny sleeping. Tyson was half in bed and the other half out, he was snoring and drooling. Ray smiled and got out of bed, he walked towards the bathroom, not knowing that it was in use and opened the bathroom door. Kai jumped and quickly pulled the towel in front of him. 'Goddamn Ray do you mind!? 'Uhh Kai I-I ... of course'. Ray was shocked and closed the door. / Ohh yeah that is my luck, I ran into Kai al most naked. Shit, now he is gonna kick me off the team or hurt me really bad. Grrrr what am I thinking I can easily take him on, the only thing he does is stand around with his arms crossed but he does have muscles. Never mind just avoid him / Ray closed his eyes and nodded, then he walked towards the computer and turned it on. He went back to the bedroom and saw that Kenny was trying to get up. 'It's a day off Kenny, you can stay in bed a little longer'. 'It is? Oh great thanx Ray well in that case I will stay in a little while longer'. Ray smiled and left with the disk for the computer, Kai tied the towel around his waist and walked out of the room. 'Now the bathroom is free, you have eyes so use them!' Kai said coldly as he walked to the bedroom, Ray grinned at him and then walked in the bathroom. He turned the shower on, toke of his pj's and stepped under the shower. The warm water was running down his back to his legs and then leaving to be sucked in by the shower well. Ray grabbed his hair in a tail and purred shampoo on it, he rubbed his hair between his hands and washed it out. The smell was overwhelming and filling the whole bathroom, Ray saw Kai's AXE Voodoo body and toke it. His AXE Africa body was used up and now empty so he had to use something else, he knew that he was getting a lecture or something for not asking first but he didn't care. Nice looking red - greenish liquid flooded in Ray's hand he toke a lot of the AXE because he loved the smell of it. Ray toke in the smell and the rubbed it over his body not missing a spot.  
  
Kai got dressed because he was going out today, he was back in Russia and he just wanted to know some things. He looked in the mirror, he had black slightly baggy pans, a tight black tank top, black army shoes with his pans tucked in, his blue triangles, his scarf and a long black coat. (A/n . Yeah that's me, only no blue things or hair and no scarf but the rest is the same. Well now you all know how I look but on with the story!) His crimson eyes looked angry but spaced, he let his hand slide through his hair and then left. He saw that the computer was on and he decided to do some stuff before he left, he checked his mail and searched for a map of Moscow, just encase. Kai pushed print and he got up, grabbed the paper and stuffed it in his pocket. Kai was just about to leave when Ray came out of the bathroom, his hair still wet and was sticking to his muscular chest and back. Ray looked at the computer and then wanted to go to the bedroom but there was Kai, Ray mouth fell open as he saw the dark figure standing there. ( drool drool) Ray closed his mouth and blushed, he bit his lip and quickly ran to the bedroom. Kai sensed his smell and Ray didn't make it to the bedroom. Kai grabbed Ray's arm and pulled him backwards, Ray felt a strong grip pull him back and he was unbalanced. Ray fell towards Kai who stepped aside, Ray fell on the floor and his face had a pain expression. He looked up at Kai who was grinning, Ray stood up and quickly grabbed his towel that fell off. Ray stepped back and placed the towel on again, Kai wasn't grinning anymore, he was looking dark and angry.  
  
'Why did you use my AXE?' 'Well mine is used up so that's why'. Ray walked towards the door but again he was pulled back. 'Why didn't you use that one of Tyson, Max or Kenny?' 'They all look the same and I just toke one'. Ray said a little irritated, Kai's grip became more firm and it started to hurt but Ray didn't want Kai to notice. 'Well never touch it again!' Kai let go off Ray's arm and walked towards the door. 'And what if I do... touch it again?' Ray said daring, smirking, Kai turned around and grabbed Ray's right shoulders. Ray was shocked again, he didn't expect this from Kai, Kai squeezed Ray's shoulder and that was making Ray go on one knee. 'It is mine and not yours so keep your paws of it, understood!? Ray closed his eyes and smiled. 'You don't scare me Kai but you are my leader so I will ask it first'. Ray said with kiss-my-ass tone, Kai couldn't stand what Ray said and when Ray wanted to walk away he stood in the way. 'Get out of my way, Kai'. 'Hnn well now it is not the AXE but your attitude, I am still your leader so respect me'. 'Okay sure Kai'. Ray said innocent, Kai sighed and walked out of the room.  
  
/ He makes an elephant out of a bug! Man talking about stressed! But wow he looked dark and creepy but so........./ Ray shook his head and got dressed, he said bye to Kenny and left the hotel as well. Ray was wearing his blue pans, his white fighting outfit, the Japanese shoes, a long dark blue coat and the cloth in his hair. He was walking aimless throw the streets of Moscow and was watching the Russian culture. Then suddenly he saw Kai running over a little bridge, Ray decided to follow him but Kai was going very fast. Kai ran to a forest, he knew that he was being followed and he started to play with Ray. Ray didn't see Kai anywhere, he was deep in the forest and he didn't know the way back. Suddenly he fell a hand on his shoulder; he turned around standing in fighting position. 'Really Ray, do you really think you can beat me'. Ray sighed and stood normal again, Kai grinned and walked over to Ray with an evil grin.  
  
Ray didn't like it and backed away. 'Awwwww is the little kitty cat scared now?'. Kai laughed and Ray was getting angry. 'Ohh yeah well bring it on!' Ray made a fist and tried to hit Kai but Kai was to fast. Ray's hand came in Kai's hand and Kai quickly grabbed Ray's arm and punched him in the face. Ray's head flew backwards and Kai raised his knee and purred him in Ray's stomach, Ray fell to the ground and moaned. Kai laughed and kicked Ray over so Ray could see Kai laugh. Ray made a quick move to kick Kai legs so he would fall down but failed, Kai jumped and hit Ray again. 'Give it up, Ray. I know you are strong so you don't have to prove yourself'. Ray didn't expect to hear that but he was determent to hit Kai at least ones. Ray attacked Kai from behind, Kai moved aside, Ray stumbled and had a nice meeting with the floor again. Kai had hit him so hard that he was feeling dizzy. 'Stop Ray or I have to hurt you'. 'You can't hurt if I hurt you first'. Ray said laughing, Ray ran to Kai and tried to hit him. They fell to the ground, struggling, Ray didn't hit Kai and Kai had the power over Ray. Ray was on his back and Kai was on top of him, Kai grabbed Ray's wrist and pushed his arms above Ray's head.  
  
Kai suddenly had a few flashbacks and Ray saw it, but then Kai's face became grim and his grip firm. Kai looked in Ray's beautiful yellow, tiger orbs and came closer. He closed his eyes and smelled Ray, his delicious shampoo and Kai's AXE. He brushed against Ray's cheek. 'You are not that strong now aren't ya, hopeless little kitty. You are weak, Ray leave me alone before I really hurt you, okay? They're my problems so I will find the solutions, leave me alone and I will leave you alone.' Kai said with a low, sexy and sultry voice, Kai hot breath was teasing Ray's ears. Ray started to breathe harder, his heartbeat was off the charts and he was sweating big time. Kai could feel that strange feeling come back, just like yesterday, it was a funny feeling in his stomach and for some reason he couldn't really hurt Ray, that didn't feel right.  
  
Ray felt weird with Kai so close just like he did yesterday, it was cold but Ray was sweating. Ray also noticed that Kai was not talking but still next to his ear, he could hear his steady breathing and Ray didn't understand how he could stay so calm. Ray was tired of their little fight, Kai moved up and saw a blood line from ray's mouth running down. 'Love to see blood'. Kai said very quiet, Ray's eyes became bigger as Kai came closer and Kai licked away Ray blood.  
  
Kai jumped up and walked away, Ray just lay there on the floor, shocked and puzzled. / Why did Kai come so close every time they had 'a fight'. Why did he lick away my blood and he likes seeing it?! / Ray got a shiver up his spine because of the thought and the cold snow. It was making Ray's blood boil in two sort of way's, he got angry of the way that Kai was treating him but on the other side he found Kai sexy and he kinda liked him. Kai looked behind and saw Ray breathe hard and fast, he was still sitting on the ground and looking puzzled but understanding. 'Coming or not, I don't have all day you know'. Kai said cool. 'Yeah know that'. Ray got up and walked towards Kai, Kai started to walk coz he didn't want to be walking next to Ray. Ray was still puzzled, spaced and thinking of what Kai said and did. Kai looked back carefully and saw the young boy struggle with his thought, he was shaking 'no' and then he pulled a funny face. 'What the fuck are you doing, Ray?' Ray didn't hear it and Kai repeated his question and a little louder this time. 'What the fuck... are you doing, Ray?' 'Uhm sorry, nothing'. Ray looked back down and Kai was getting frustrated. He suddenly stood still and turned around, he saw that Ray hadn't noticed but he didn't step back or something. Ray walked into Kai and backed away looking a little shocked at Kai. 'What's wrong?' 'You are what's wrong, what are you doing'. Ray looked at Kai puzzled and then shook no. He walked past Kai, Kai moved towards Ray in a fast pass and Ray noticed it and started to run.  
  
/ Why am I running, I know that Kai is gonna get me and throw me on the floor. Why am I acting so weird, I seem to do the things that upset and angry Kai. But I am aware of that and I still do them like going outside on the balcony, using his AXE, when I got out of the bathroom and going in a fight I knew I couldn't win. Then I breathe hard and my heard is going fast when he is close but Kai isn't himself either. / Ray's thoughts were interrupted by Kai who pushed Ray to the ground, Ray fell on the snow and was pushed in it by Kai. 'Maybe this will cool you down a bit, you have no respect for me and I am your leader so you better change!' 'Why should I change you are weird'. Ray mentally kicked himself for saying that and he was pulled out of the snow. 'What did you say?! 'I said.....'Ray hesitated but grinned and said. 'I said why should I change when you are the one that is weird'. Kai looked at angry and pulled him closer.......................  
  
Tasz: This story is again long winded and weird but hey that's me   
  
Ray and Kai: AGREE!  
  
Tasz: Uhmm okay but anyways we will see what the people think...  
  
Hope you liked the story, I know it's a little weird and all but I promises some things will change. Anyways I hope you review and well laterzzz!!!   
  
xxx Tasz xxx 


	2. Chapter Two

Pain that never ends  
  
Update update lol well I updated, needed some inspiration :P so sorry that it took me so long bows hope ya like it :D  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah Yeah I still don't own shit! Ohh wait I do!!!!!! I own Daika and Katana!!! Yeahhh finally I own something!!!! XD  
  
' ' is speaking, is thinking, is poetry or something written and this is Music (hope ya can see the differents XD this is word and I guess it isn't the same in -.-)  
  
Tasz: Hi  
  
Ray: Hai got another chappie?  
  
Tasz: Damn sure -  
  
Ray: HEheheheheh coolies but ya look.... Sick....  
  
Tasz: -- I am, damn Ray we live together you should know :S  
  
Ray: Sorry but... hehehe Kai kept me busy all the time -"" rolls eyes  
  
Kai: Pfff blame it on me ... well you were the one that...  
  
Ray covers Kai mouth To the story """  
  
Chapter two Shared  
  
'I said.....'Ray hesitated but grinned and said. 'I said why should I change when you are the one that is weird'. Kai looked at angry and pulled him closer but suddenly Kai had another flashback that took longer then before. / He looks scared!!! Wow Kai and scared that doesn't fit together but why? / Kai's hands became less firm as he let go of Ray and stood up. He looked down sadly, continued his walk and he had no eye for Ray just the disturbing flashback.  
  
/ Why did it come back again! Why do they always come back! / Kai closed his eyes tightly, thinking back of his time in the abbey, the torture and the pain.  
  
Flashback  
  
Kai fell something struck him from behind as he fell to the ground, his head knocked to the floor and blood came out of his mouth. 'How dare you disobey me!' A voice yelled at Kai, grabbing his scarf from behind and pulling it up. Kai gasped for air, the man pulled Kai with him and Kai wanted to run but he couldn't. Suddenly the man toke Kai and threw him in a room, he looked at Kai with a big grin and then shot the door.  
  
Kai sat on the floor and stayed in the room for days. No light, no food, no dranzer, no nothing!  
  
Kai cried softly to himself so that no one could hear it, his stomach hurt and his head was pounding. The door opened, Kai tried to close his eyes but the light purred in. He was weak, a group off people walked in, people of his age as well and they walked over to the wall. Kai was ripped up and smacked to a table that he didn't see before, three strong, big man (is overreacting lol) walked in and grabbed the weak Kai. Kai struggled and screamed but they just did like they didn't hear him or something, suddenly there was that awful man.  
  
'Time for punishment, little Kai'. The man said, he was tall, white skin, tight black pans, white shirt, blue with purple hair and green eyes. He had a big grin on his face, he was Japanese and he has a samurai sword around his waist. He was next to Boris one of the most loyal guyz to Voltaire.  
  
Kai was placed on a table as his hands were chained just like his feet, Kai couldn't move and was scared like hell, he just laid still. With a quick move the man sat on top of Kai, he raised his hand and Kai fell a burning hit slapping his face. Kai was slapped every second and he was burning, his face was red and felt burning hot. The kids that stood over by the wall didn't move a muscle they just stood there watching Kai get beat up. Blood was escaping Kai's mouth as the figure just wouldn't stop hitting. Kai couldn't take anymore, he was in to much pain and everyone was laughing and not helping him. He cried and screamed but it was of no use.  
  
'Pleaz Daika!!! Pleaz stop it!!! It hurts!!! Kai yelled but Daika didn't stop he just went on, hitting harder every time, Kai's face was all red and sweating. Kai was breathing hard and fast cuz he was already weak, Daika toke out his samurai and held it above Kai's face. Kai looked faired at the sharp sword, Daika ripped off Kai's slim shirt and tossed it aside. Daika stroke with his sword over Kai's chest leaving a bloody line, he made four big lines and then started to make small ones between. Kai was crying but no one even looked at him just the blade, a cut was made just above Kai's nipple and it left a red stripe. Daika leaned in and sucked on it as hard as he could, he pushed his tongue in the cuts and Kai cried even more. Daika pulled Kai a little closer and brushed against Kai's cheek as he said. 'One more change Kai or ya gonna die, hear me, die'. Daika laughed and raised the handle of the sword and he knocked Kai down. Kai was knocked unconscious.  
  
End Flashback  
  
'Kai....Kai...Kai..KAI!!!!' Ray kept yelling but Kai didn't answer he just stood there, frozen and his eyes wide open with fair. Ray grabbed Kai's shoulders and shook him, Kai fell backwards on the floor and looked up at Ray's shocked face. 'Kai.... talk to me what's wrong with you, tell me, pleaz!' Ray looked at Kai pleating for him to answer. Kai shook his sorrow away and stood up walking past Ray, Ray watched his back and remembered the faired look on Kai's beautiful face. 'I'm fine, let's go'. Kai said cold, like nothing had happen and much to their luck it started to snow. Kai was still not 100 % and he didn't really know the way and the snow became a snowstorm. Ray was holding his hands in front of his face and all of the sudden Kai was gone, Ray looked around but he didn't see him anywhere. Kai grabbed Ray from behind and took him to a little cave, Ray saw faintly that it was Kai and he worked with him.  
  
Kai sat down on the right as Ray sat down at the left of the cave, not looking at each other or even make a little contact. Ray fell asleep cuz he was just very tired, Kai saw a little paper fall out of Ray's pocket and he quickly grabbed it so it won't fly away with the wind. He unfolded it and read it.  
  
A boy I wanna know  
  
He is cold as a rock All alone and pained His heart is closed with a lock That no one can ever break  
  
Why won't he let us or me in I won't hurt him, never He looks tick, hard but he's tin He's broken from within  
  
He keeps falling deeper and he can't get out Crawling is of no use , he's getting angry at himself He's like a dark, rainy cloud Who can burst at any time in any moment  
  
Nightmares torturing him, he is hurt I read the pain in his eyes Nightmares filled with sorrow and dirt He screams and cries but no one sees it  
  
It breaks my heart to see him like this Why can't I help him I want to, I really do  
  
Kai's eyes were wide open as he looked shocked at the piece of paper. / I knew that Ray was a poetic but .......This he wrote about me, I'm not sure but..... It reflects me..... damn why did he stop I wanna read more! / Kai closed his eyes, the words were running throw his head and he didn't even hear the thunder. Unlike Ray, he woke up shocking and scared cuz he really hated thunder. Ray pulled his knees up to his face and buried his head in his knees as he sobbed a little. Kai watched the sobbing figure, he fell sorry for Ray but what could he do.  
  
Kenny was nervously watching out of the window, he was worried but Tyson wasn't, the only thing on his mind was the food. / Doesn't Tyson care for Ray and Kai, I'm worried, why aren't they back yet / Kenny sighed and sat down in the chair next to the window but jumped up just a sec later when the thunder strung. Max walked in with a sad look. 'No sign of Kai or Ray but they said that they would be fine'. Kenney nodded and sat on the couch, Kenny was scared of all the scary things and he couldn't sit normal with thunder outside. Tyson was done eating at decided to take a shower, Kenny sat there sadly and scared. Max smiled and sat down next to Kenny, the thunder was heavy and Kenny was scared like hell.  
  
Suddenly Kenny fell two arms grab him and he was pulled closer to Max, Max looked down at Kenny and smiled. 'It's just thunder but if it makes you feel better I will protect you'. Kenny smiled and buried his face in Max's shoulder.  
  
Ray was squirming and squeaking because he really couldn't stand thunder. Ray closed his eyes tightly, a single tear ran down his face and dropped on his shirt. Suddenly Ray fell two strong arms around him, it was Kai who protected him. Ray looked up and blushed, just then some more lightning struck and thunder could be heard, Ray whimpered again. Kai pulled Ray closer then before and Ray curled up in Kai's hug, he felt safe and comfortable. Kai smiled and stroke his cheek against Ray's soft, raven hair, Kai felt good and he had a satisfied feeling in his stomach.  
  
Ray fell Kai stroke his hair, he looked up a bit so he could see Kai's face and his mouth fell open. Kai had a smile on his face and he looked different, he looked happy. Kai looked surprised at Ray because his mouth was still open, suddenly Kai started to feel stupid and the smile disappeared. Ray closed his mouth and raised his hand, Kai flinched but then leaned in the touch. Ray stroke Kai's cheek and it fell soft and good. Kai closed his eyes and he moved a little so Ray's hand was better to be felt. Kai's smile came back and Ray smiled as well as he buried himself in Kai's shoulder again.  
  
'Thanx Kai'.... 'Hnn sure'.  
  
Ray moved and fell something hard hurting in his back and he tried to look back. Kai noticed and let go of Ray and got out his Discman, he moved it to his other side and pulled Ray back.  
  
'What music is it?' 'Nothing that you would like, I'm sure'. 'Ohh pleaz Kai, let me hear it'. Ray placed a sad dog puppy face on and Kai couldn't resist it.  
  
'Okay but I warned you, I chose music that reflects my........'. Kai stopped and he closed his eyes as he handed the Discman to Ray. 'Don't be ashamed, just tell me, after all, like it or not, I'm your friend'. Ray said smiling, Kai opened his eyes and looked directly in Ray's tiger orbs. 'Well I choose music that reflects my.....well my.... uhmmm ... feelings'. 'That wasn't so hard now was it'. Ray smiled and Kai placed a little grin on his face. 'I chose music that reflects the way I feel, happy or sad so you're not the only one'. Rei smiled.  
  
Ray pressed 'play', Kai's hand slides over Ray's hand and he presses forward so he went to number 6. 'This is a good one and I mean good'. He rolled the volume roller and the volume was at its highest. Ray and Kai held each other and listened to the music, the words played in their minds and spooked throw their heads.  
  
It's easier to ran Replacing this pain with something more It's so much easier to go Then face all this pain here all alone  
  
Something has been taking from deep inside of me A secret I kept locked away, no one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played  
  
If I could change I would Take away all the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made I would I've I could stand up and take the blame I would I've I could take all my shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would Take away all the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made I would I've I could stand up and take the blame I would I've I could take all my shame to the grave  
  
It's easier to ran Replacing this pain with something more It's so much easier to go Then face all this pain here all alone  
  
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back And never moving forward so that there'll never be a past  
  
If I could change I would Take away all the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made I would I've I could stand up and take the blame I would I've I could take all my shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would Take away the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made I would If I could stand up and take the blame I would If I could take all my shame to the grave  
  
Just watching here aside, on love The helplessness inside, pretending I don't feel misplaced It's so much simpler then change  
  
It's easier to ran Replacing this pain with something more It's so much easier to go Then face all this pain here all alone  
  
It's easier to ran If I could change I would Take away the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made It's easier to go If I could change I would Take away the pain I would Trace every wrong move that I made I would If I could take all my shame to the grave  
  
A single tear rolled down Ray's face and fell on Kai's hand.  
  
/ So this is how he feels! Now I know for sure that he has a secret, that he is in pain and that he has more sorrow then I could imagine. Poor Kai but he is letting me in and now I can help him!!! /  
  
'Is something wrong Ray?' Kai asked with concern, Ray turned around and he had a goofy smile on his face.  
  
'So this how you feel isn't it?' 'Yeah, strange really, every word they sing is........is me'.  
  
Kai closed his eyes and pulled Ray closer to him and held him as tightly as he could. 'Don't worry Kai, I'm your friend and I can and wanna help but only if you let me'. 'Hnnn yeah know it'. 'Really Kai don't shut me out, friends help each other and you don't have to be ashamed to ask it you know'. 'Yeah I know, thanx Ray'.  
  
Tasz: So that's that! Ugh ugh dies X-x  
  
Ray: Ahhh that's all?!  
  
Tasz: O.O Wasn't it enough?!?!? HUH!??! I used 7 pages and about 3000 words!!!  
  
Ray: Uhmm gotta go!!!  
  
Ray runs off to safety  
  
Tasz: Yeah boy, you better run!!! XD ugh ugh .... Or maybe I should go to bed   
  
Kai: -- .... Baka's  
  
Pleaz leave the spelling and gramma mistakes alone can't help it, anyways ..... me update sooner in the future Thankies and see ya !! R&R  
  
TASZ 


	3. Chapter Three

**Pain that never ends**

Thanx for reviewing ya all Sorry for the long delay :S really really sorry !!! I have to update more but I have so lil time ï ...

Disclaimer: Don't own it, okay?!! Damn --

Ray: Hey Tasz!!!

Tasz; Hnn

Ray: What wrong?

Tasz: Ahhh nothing really, I'll just tell ya the story

**Chapter ThreeDead or alive **

Kai closed his eyes and pulled Ray closer to him and held him as tightly as he could.

'Don't worry Kai, I'm your friend and I can and wanna help but only if you let me'. 'Hnnn yeah know it'. 'Really Kai don't shut me out, friends help each other and you don't have to be ashamed to ask it you know'. 'Yeah I know, thanx Ray'.

Ray looked down and he liked Kai holding him like that, he felt sad, though because of the song. Kai took out the little piece of paper and quiet shove it back in Ray's pocket, Ray was busy thinking that he didn't notice.

/ I can't belief that I'm doing this, I can't let anyone in and why am I holding another...BOY!!! It feels so good but still this is wrong, very wrong!!! I must make sure that Ray doesn't; tell the other about this. Damn I made myself fragile and .........grrrrrrr Dammit!!! (A/N is it dammit or damnit??? Anyways on with the story) / Kai pushed Ray off of him as he got back from where he first sat down.

Ray looked at Kai surprised and then looked down, hurt.

/ Why did he do that, I felt so safe with him and now....... He let me listen to his music and he protected me so why?!? Ohh wait a sec he is ashamed, he is maybe thinking that I'm gonna tell the rest or something. I would never do that, but I have been shity to him lately. / Ray sighed and looked at Kai again.

'I would tell the rest you know'. Ray said with a sad tone in his voice. 'Hnn you better not, or else...... That wasn't me okay, it's just that I can't stand weaklings like you and the sounds that they make. Ohh and the music was to calm you down it had nothing to do with me, got it! You little furball!' 'Well you don't have to be so mean, but I know you want to lose your position or weaken your position. In your words everything is better then having friends isn't it?!' Ray said with a daring voice.

'What, how dare you! I'm your captain and you have no right to talk to me like that!' Kai sneered at Ray.

/ Okay Ray now is a good time to shut your big mouth!!! C'mon you can do it, shut up!!! /

'Pffff whatever!' Ray spat. / Damn!!! Why didn't I just shut up!!! Can't believe that I did it again, I know it's gonna make Kai angry and I still do it! What's wrong with me!?/ Ray was angry but not at Kai, he was angry with himself.

Kai was boiling with anger and his eyes where on fire. 'What ...did...you...just..say'. 'That you can stick it up your ass!' Ray screamed but then slapped his hands in front of his mouth as he knew what he said and by seeing Kai's face. Ray pushed himself too the wall and began to sweat. Kai looked at Ray with an angry look and knew that he had the time cuz Ray couldn't go anywhere because then he had to go through the thunder and stuff.

'How dare you, Ray, let me tell you that you're playing with fire and if you don't apologize then you'll be sooooo sorry!' Kai said with an angry but very sexy and low voice. Ray got a shiver up his spine and he was about to apologize but he didn't.

/ Good Ray: C'mon what are you waiting for, Ray?! Apologize! Bad Ray: Wahahhaha don't do it Ray, why should you, he was wrong and you were right! Don't do it!!! /

'Well...Ray, do I have to hurt you...... apologize or I'll hurt and I can assure you that isn't fun or is it?!' Kai said daring and he could burst any moment.

/ Good Ray: He is gonna hurt you, while it was your fault and Ray don't forget he is your leader! Bad Ray: Don't listen to that freak okay, how do you now that you don't like what he is gonna do and I think that he is bluffing anyways. Good Ray: Kai isn't the person that would bluff, you ..... meany! Good Ray sticks out tongue at Bad Ray BadRay: O yeah!? Bad Ray kicks Good Ray away Bad Ray: Anyways Ray it was not your fault!!! Good Ray: You don't like pain, Ray, apologize! / Ray shocks his head in confusion.

'Well maybe it is, maybe I do!' Ray said aloud and he slowly looked up as he heard someone making the famous 'grrrr' sound. 'Kai...I.' But it was to late as Kai slapped Ray in his face and threw him aside, Kai sat on top of Ray and raised his hand.

'Asshole! Get off of me, I'm warning you and I'm serious, what I said wasn't meant for you!' 'Oh yeah then for who was it? Huh Ray, well who?' 'Uh well......'. 'How dare you making a fool out of me, you don't take me serious and you're warning me?! Huh how dare you!'

Kai slapped Ray again and Ray's cheek was burning like hell, Kai raised his hand again and Ray placed his hand gently on the cheek that Kai hit twice. Ray's eyes had fire in them now two and tried to punch Kai but he missed. Kai grabbed both of Ray's hands and pinned them to the floor above Ray's head.

'Think you can insult me, huh, Ray? No matter what you do, I'll always be stronger'. 'Grrrrr yeah right, you coward! You don't dare shit!'. / Damn why did I have to say that, owww I'm a dead person now! /

Kai looked in Ray's scared but angry eyes, four blood lines ran out of Ray's mouth and Kai could smell the coppery of the blood. He came closer, his nose picked up the smell of his AXE, fair and blood. Kai licked his lips and then pressed his lips against Ray's chin, his tongue came out and he licked away the blood. Because Kai was so close to Ray, he got nervous somehow, he sensed Ray's fair and his body aroused. He felt Ray's body heat and he noticed that Ray was slightly trembling and sweating. He laughed darkly and got up.

He got off Ray because the storm had calmed down and he walked / crawled out of the cave. Ray lay on the floor shocked, he slowly got up as he noticed that Kai was gone and he didn't know the way.

'Kai wait!' Ray yelled but Kai was nowhere to been seen, Ray looked around and got a little scared. 'Pleaz Kai, don't leave me here, I don't know the way and...and... .'. Ray yelled but no answer from Kai, it was still snowing and raining. The thunder was still there but he stayed hiding for a little while together with the lighting.

Ray just ran, he needed and wanted to find Kai. Kai saw Ray running and he felt kinda sorry for him, so he turned and ran behind Ray. Lighting strung and Ray started to cry as he heard thunder and still no Kai. The storm was getting worse again, Ray was scared and fell down on his knees, sobbing and he curled up in the icy snow.

'Let's go, it's cold and wet here so no place for a cat!' Kai said as he got down on his knees next to the curled up Ray. Ray unfolded himself and got up, he looked in Kai's strong and protective eyes. Ray nodded and they both ran as hard as they could.

The city was insight and they both let out a sigh of relieve. Two young, with snow covered boys ran into the hotel and stood there moaning and out of breath.

'Are you two alright?' A man said in Russian, Ray looked at the man funny but Kai said something back in Russian and the man walked away. 'Cool'. Ray said as he walked towards the elevator, he pushed the button and the doors opened. Kai and Ray both stepped in and went up.

Tyson got out of the shower and got dressed, he saw Kenny and Max on the couch and decided to join them. They were not holding each other anymore. 'Really I wonder were Ray and Kai are'. Kenny said and Tyson answered agreed in his own dumb way. 'Yeah me too, they are gonna miss dinner'.

There was a knock on the door and Max answered, Max got smiled on his face and hugged Ray tightly. 'Hey you guys are back'. Max said with joy, Kenny and Tyson walked over to Kai and Ray as well. 'Are you two okay?' 'Yeah, we're fine, Kenny don't worry, Kai and I ran into each other so we.... Well we're here now so what are we eating?' 'Thought you would never ask, let's go!' Tyson said.

Everyone walked towards the elevator to get down and eat something but Kai went in and slammed the door behind him. Everyone nodded and went down, Kai lay on his bed when suddenly the phone rang. He picked up and a faired look got on his face.

'You know, Kai, I got orders from Voltaire to kill you. But I'll give you another choice, listen to me Kai. You come back to the abbey and life there forever or I'll torture you. Got that? Uhmm just like the old days, yeah you were a really nice torture toy to me and your grandfather. Whahahahhahahaha well..... Kai what do ya think?'

Kai was shocked and his mouth was hanging open, he got flashbacks of the horrible time in the abbey. The torture, the pain, the embarrassments and the sorrow. He had suffered so much, he would never go back there.

'Go fuck yourself, Katana!' Kai yelled as he threw the phone back in his place, tears rolled down his cheeks and he looked around the room.

/ Why should I live anyways, no one cares for me, not even my own family!?. I don't wanna be tortured, I don't want the pain anymore and I don't.......... / Kai broke down and fell to the floor, he was sobbing and crying there was no end to it. A magazine fell down as well, BBA gametime, he liked the magazine cuz they were always telling how good he was. He wanted to throw it away and he saw a red blood line on his hand. The magazine had cut him, Kai's eyes opened and he grabbed the magazine.

Ray suddenly didn't feel so good and he felt an urge to go upstairs. 'Hey you guys, I'm gonna go upstairs for a sec, don't feel so good but you guys continue'. Ray waved and walked out of the hotel dinner room and towards the elevator.

Kai made a little cut with the paper on his arm and then worked his way down to his wrist. He had bloodlines on his arm but to really get the blood flooding he needed to push harder. He brought his arm higher and bit on the wounds so the blood would come flooding out, he sucked up the blood and prepared himself. Tears ran down his face, blood ran down his arm.

Ray walked to the door and searched for his card to open the door. He suddenly heard Kai talk and pressed his ear to the door.

'Why do I have to life, why was I born'. Kai cried to himself as he pressed the paper to his wrist even more, blood was running down his hand and down the paper into the magazine. 'I failed, I lost, I'm a total loser and no one loves me. Then why should I life, I'm a leader so I can take my live with no problem!' He yelled the last part as he pushed in the paper and the blood was forcing itself out through a single cut. He squeezed his arm so the blood would have even more pressure.

Ray was shocked and grabbed his card but it fell to the floor and he was trembling so bad that it was not going so fast. He threw the door open and ran in, he looked around and then ran to the bedroom. He opened the door and his eyes grew wider..................................

Tasz: Uhmm well what do ya think?

Kai: Well at least I'm not a wuss

Tasz; would you stop the wuss thing! -.- I think it's a little overboard but the next chapter will be more nice.

Kai: Hnnn

Tasz: :P

Sorry ppl!!! It's Kai torture and I know some of you really don't like that, but I just felt like it, so again sorry! But I can make it up to ya with the next chapter, I can assure you that that's gonna be a little nicer. Some fluff between Kai and Ray!!! and some other shit XD Anyways I'm tired so I'll go...... still there .... Okay okay hope ya guyz liked it, and sorry again for letting ya wait and all ï

**LUV **

**TASZ**


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